I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
