im drinking this country out of the recession.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
