Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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