How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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