She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
