You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
