My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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