She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
