girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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