Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
