The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
