It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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