nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
