I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
