I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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