Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
