I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize