How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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