just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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