i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
