drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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