Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
