just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
