just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
