2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
