apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am available for nakedness
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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