So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
