Ambien. No doubt about it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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