I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
