Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
