First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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