Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
