Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize