Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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