Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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