I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
