Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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