I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
