she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
