Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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