just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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