i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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