giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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