Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating