I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.