what day is it and did you see me today?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".