I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..