Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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