If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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