Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
3 2 1 whiskey
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
