what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
