He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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