What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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