i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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