I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
