Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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