we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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