im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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