You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
