Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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