Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
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I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
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It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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