i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
