My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
