Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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