end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
