Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
