so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
