As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Randomize
