I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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