He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
