I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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