my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
