Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
