I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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