Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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