My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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