Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i've created a new STD.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
