I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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