Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
