I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
