it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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