I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
