I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
