i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
