so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
