im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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