i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize