and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
